Saturday, April 23, 2016

Top Ten Villains Tag

This tag is from Rebekah, as is the custom. As is not the custom, I am actually doing it. As is also the custom, I will break all the rules. I am only doing the top five because Sarah and Rebekah already covered most of the ones I could think of, and I am not tagging anyone because Rebekah already tagged all bloggers everywhere. So, without further ado:

Villain No. 5: BALOO THE BEAR from "The Jungle Book"

How did that square get in there? Come on, the guy is constantly thwarting Bagheera's methods of getting Mowgli to safety. After banging Mowlgi's head about, almost crushing him with a huge rock, getting him to prick himself with the prickly pears and instilling an ethical code of laziness and mediocrity (do nothing and stuff will come to you anyway) in the kid, he lets the monkeys take him, and then bypasses Bagheera's plan of quietly nabbing Mowgli from the end of the procession for one that gets Baloo in the limelight, but does no practical good, in fact, mayhem ensues fairly soon after. Worse, though, far worse in my opinion, than Baloo's attempts to keep Mowgli from safety, are his attempts to shake Bagheera's own resolve and responsible nature.
Baloo represents the fact that sometimes the most powerful enemies of a responsible life are the distractions. YouTube. Facebook. Personality tests. Tags (oh, wait...). Get with the beat, indeed. Get with the program. Stop it with that silly beat business. This is going to take brains not brawn.

Villain No. 4: MASTER OOGWAY from "Kung Fu Panda"

Amused by Shifu's uptight nature, dedication and emotional commitment he pours into the perfection of himself and the training of his students and aware of the deep respect Shifu regards him with, he sees, from his position of power over Shifu's psychology, how far he can push him. I admit that sometimes this may turn out for Shifu's overall good, but only on accident. Really Shifu's benefit or pain or both at once is inconsequential to Oogway. Oogway is the Master, and he likes to keep himself and Shifu aware of this through constantly messing with his brain: not giving him success when he most needs a shot in the arm (instead giving him tasks he can't handle), leaving him alone right when he needs him, and constantly talking like a Chinese proverb that contradicts itself (you know the kind: so vague that you have to defocus your mind to get them to make any sense). Oogway is a petty but powerful villain because his superiority and spirituality is in Shifu's head, so while it is not real, it is that much more impossible for Shifu to get away from it.

Villain No. 3: OLAF from "Frozen"

This guy is pure evil. Nobody is this happy for reals, and definitely not a snowman. Only the coldest of hearts would inflict such warm hugs intentionally. From his delinquent grin, to his ability to disembody his head (or anything else, actually) any time he feels like it, to the very fact that he is a living snowman in the first place, Olaf is the creepiest villain in my list. Who, in the first Frozen movie (which is the only one I have watched, by the way), really has a motive for keeping the whole land as always winter and never Christmas? This guy has more motive than a Baroque fugue —he would melt otherwise. Also, adorable people are rarely trustworthy. Take the bunny in Hoodwinked, for instance, who, incidentally, is voiced by the same person, which definitely should have tipped us off. Also, toddlers in general. Tell them not to touch something and they will nod seriously, then touch and probably break it the moment you turn your back, even if they had not thought of doing it before you mentioned it. Turn around and they will act cute and innocent, but underneath the facade they are plotting your next demise.

Villain No. 2: GOLDILOCKS from "Goldilocks and the Three Bears"

Goldilocks trespasses onto the poor bears' property, which, as we all know, means she should have been prosecuted, whatever that means. She probably also stepped on the pansies in their garden and left finger prints on the sliding-glass door, which, if it is not a criminal offense, should be, especially the sliding glass door part. Do you know how long it takes to get the spray nozzle to work on the glass cleaner, find a paper towel on the roll that will do something helpful, un-smear the damage the rest of the paper towels did to the window, only to discover that it was the other side of the glass that had the finger prints?
Secondly, Goldilocks steals one bite from Mama bear, one bite from Papa bear, and the whole bowl from little bear. Theft is a criminal offense, guys. Goldilocks should be in jail. Then she goes and breaks little bear's chair. This is damaging the personal property of the owners of a house she has broken into. Not cool, kids. Let us all learn from Goldilocks' error and stay in our own houses and eat our own porridge and sit in our own chairs. Finally, she goes and lays in their beds. Now, I don't know about you, but I do not want a stranger sleeping in my bed, ever, but especially not one that had just eaten porridge and probably not washed her hands. So Goldilocks gets No. 2 on my list, not because she was a scheming mastermind who was planning on destroying the whole earth, but because she was a downright uncourteous nuisance to the poor bears who were just trying to get in a little exercise before breakfast. It's reprehensible. I mean, really.

Villain No. 1 PIPPIN from "The Lord of the Rings"

Constantly doing small "thoughtless" things to set the whole group back, Pippin manages to get Gandalf killed by knocking a dwarf skeleton down a shaft and alerting the whole community at Minas Tirith, not a small feat for a small hobbit, but perhaps not so surprising if you realize it was done on purpose. This also clears up why Pippin also looks into that palantir. He is reporting what he has found out and his progress to headquarters. But, you say, he was a big part in getting the Ents to take over Saruman's tower. Do you really think that Sauron was going to co-reign with Saruman? Saruman had to go, and what better way of doing it than have a different enemy take your enemy down? Then one will be taken care of completely, and whichever one wins will be weaker than they would have otherwise. Pippin an honest fool? More like a dishonest genius, if you ask me.

Which villain are you?


  1. As usual, you put a crazy twist on what was SUPPOSED to be a "normal" tag. ;)
    Nicely done.
    (You don't mind if I share again, do you?)


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