Before Winter

…I betrayed him so many times. He calls himself the chief of sinners, but I was the one who deserted him when he needed me. And I knew the truth. I told myself I was doing God’s will, but I always knew it was really my own will. It was not even fear that made me leave in the end; that would have been weak, but honest. No, I just had my own stubborn, stupid idea, and I would not listen to his wisdom. 

Sure, he was never perfect. When I started shouting, he shouted right back. Barnabas tried to calm us both down, but I stomped out like a sulky child. Then I just kept going. At first I was too angry to go back, but as the miles between us widened and several days passed, I began to be ashamed. I thought he would still be mad at me, so I kept going. I was still full of pride. Finally, I told myself that now it was too late to go back, that the break was for good. 

God had to work on my heart for a long time. Through Barnabas and others, I did realize at last that I was wrong, but even then I thought that my relationship with him was irrevocably ruined. When he forgave me fully and immediately, I understood the grace of God in far greater depth than before. 

Lord, Your redemption is beyond our finite comprehension. Every day I praise Your name because of the wondrous works You have done for the children of men. Grant me Your grace that I may share what I have learned of redemption with all who need it, and let me never forget my own sin and blindness. 

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Alright, here's the deal. I'm working on writing a book, so I won't have any time to blog unless I put up excerpts from that. Also, I need all the feedback I can get, to make sure I'm not being utterly confusing. 

So, tell me. To start off with, who is the "I" and who is the "he"? This is supposed to be pretty much a stand-alone section (I jump into another part of the story in the next chapter), so if it is unclear, I need to change it.