Large Family Idiosyncrasies #7: The Van

Once a family reaches a certain size, they can no longer ride together in a "normal" vehicle. The earliest car our family owned that I can really remember well was a dark green station wagon, which seated eight people. Since I was one of the oldest children, I had the dubious honour of sitting in the back, facing the rear. It made a strong impression on me, because we went house-hunting in that vehicle when I was five, so I spent many hours staring at road over which we had already traveled.

Soon, however, the station wagon was too small, and for a few years we rode in a rusty blue beast, a fifteen passenger van which had already been well-loved by another large family before us. We christened it Midnight, took out the back seat so we had room for groceries, and nursed it along through failing brakes and an overheating engine. Whenever we went over a speed bump, we had contests to see who could bounce the highest without hitting their head on the ceiling.

Eventually we upgraded to a new twelve passenger van, which we have now been using for more than twelve years. There are many interesting facts about riding in a big van, which all large families understand, but other people may never have considered...
- It is much easier to find your car in the grocery store parking lot. It sticks out like a sore thumb.
- Unless you go to a homeschool conference, where it is virtually impossible to relocate. In this situation, it is prudent to park next to one of your friends who has a small vehicle, so you can find it again.
- A lot of people are scared to drive it, because it is so big. However, it's really not that hard to steer. Be prepared to run over a few curbs though.
- Sitting in the back, it is impossible to follow the conversation going on in the front. There's too much background noise, and too much space. This can be rather frustrating, since everyone wants to know what's going on.
- The front row is most coveted, since you have more legroom, as well as being able to hear and talk to Dad and Mom. We have to rotate seating every once in a while, so everyone gets a chance. Misbehaving children also get moved to the front, however, so that it is easier for Mom or Dad to deal with them.
- A van rides quite a bit higher on the road than most cars, so we can see further, and look down into other people's cars.
- My siblings can ride for hours in the van, squished between two other kids, but put one of them in a small car, by themselves in the back seat, and they start feeling carsick. Somehow the motion is different, and we're not used to riding long distances in small cars.
- It is a useful distinguisher when giving directions to your house to people who have never been there before. "The driveway with the big white van" is impossible to miss.
- You can fit a harp in the back. I know this from personal experience, and there are not many vehicles conducive to carrying a harp!

There are many logistics involved in getting everyone in the family to a certain place at a certain time, and having a vehicle big enough to seat us all at the same time is a major piece of that puzzle. In a big family, that is not something to be taken for granted!

A Heritage Forever

Psalm 119:111
Your testimonies I have taken as a heritage forever,
For they are the rejoicing of my heart

The word "heritage" is a bit old-fashioned, but I think most people still understand the concept: it simply means "an object or quality passed down from previous generations, an inheritance." It also contains the idea of being a special or individual possession—no two families will have exactly the same inheritance. 

What better foundation for living life could a parent give their child than a knowledge of God's testimonies? In Philippians 3:8, Paul says that all other things he counts as loss in comparison with the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus. Unlike material inheritances, it will never be used up, or crumble to dust, for Peter tells us that the word of God lives and abides forever (1 Peter 1:23). The world can never take it from us, because He who is in us is greater than he who is in the world (1 Jn. 4:4).

I am incredibly blessed to have the Word of God as my heritage. Growing up, I was saturated with the Bible—not just Sundays and Wednesdays, but in the home as well: reading and memorizing it together as a family, and each member individually. Not only was I surrounded by God's testimonies, I also saw that they were held in the highest esteem by everyone I respected. It was the standard by which behavior was judged: when we were corrected, it was not because our actions had been inconvenient to our parents, but because they had been contrary to God's commands. With this background, it was easy and natural for me to learn to love and revere Scripture.

Many people do not grow up in a home like mine, but they can still choose to take God's testimonies as a heritage. This is an inheritance that has to be personally accepted before it is legitimate; just following the letter of the law because everyone around you does is not enough—it must be a conscious choice to embrace this most excellent knowledge and let it shape your life. Having this heritage, we must guard it—do not let people take anything away from it—nurture it, by making sure our life matches up with our beliefs, and pass it on to those who come after us.

"If we might have our desire, we would desire to keep the commands of God perfectly. To know the doctrine, to enjoy the promise, to practice the command — be this a kingdom large enough for us."

- Charles Spurgeon

Large Family Idiosyncrasy #6: Sticks and Stones

One of the things that is different about a large family is The Rules.

Every family, large or small, has their own set of Rules, and many of these rules are roughly the same across the board: no hitting, look both ways before crossing the street, don't eat things off the floor...no matter the number of children, the same rules apply. Big families, however, tend to have some quirky rules that would not be needed otherwise.

Several of the "idiosyncrasies" in this blog series will be related to our own family Rules, and this is the first one: No Common Rocks in the House. I'm not talking about this kind of rock:

—although we do have to limit the number. I'm talking about common rocks. This includes, but is not limited to:

- Gravel. 

- Rocks from the woods.

- Rocks faintly shaped like arrowheads. 

- Rocks with pretty sparkles. 

- Rocks which may look cool when submerged in water. 

- Rocks with a stripe in them.

The "reasons" advanced for their specialness are endless, but they are simply not allowed in the house. I believe that this "rule" was first added into our official codified system when Rebekah (when she was much younger) filled her entire top drawer with rocks, almost breaking her dresser. 

It has since been amended to "No Common Rocks Or Sticks in the House." Children are allowed, sometimes encouraged, to play with sticks and rocks outside in the yard, but if those sticks and stones cross the threshold of our home, they are liable to seizure, and may be thrown as far into the woods as possible (if a rock), or incinerated (if a stick). 

A love of common rocks and sticks seems to be born into children, and I have personally never known a boy who did not have a special stick, whether it was a "spear", a "sword", an "arrow", or a "gun". They will carry them everywhere if allowed, often heedless of where the ends are, presenting a danger to themselves, those around them, and any fragile items in the vicinity. For our family, the balancing point between safety and fun was to ban them from the house, but allow them outside.

Seven Ways to Praise

Psalm 119:164 Seven times a day I praise You, Because of Your righteous judgments.

I have been meditating on Psalm 119 over the last several months, and have read this verse over 200 times during that period, but I only truly noticed it yesterday. Is God’s Word not amazing? No matter how many times we reach into it, it never runs dry! Since this verse gripped me and won’t let go, I figured I’d better try it out. Naturally, I started by doing a bit of math: 

Between 6:30 in the morning and 11:00 at night there are sixteen and a half hours. Divide that into seven equal sections, and each one is two hours and forty-five minutes. With an iPhone timer set, I’m in less danger of losing track of time. 

Praise is an important part of prayer, and one that is often neglected. The Hebrew word for praise in this verse is the one from which we get “Hallelujah” (praise the Lord). It means to boast or exult, so basically just telling God (and others) how wonderful we think He is. There are many ways to incorporate praise into prayer, and I’ve made a list of some I use:

1. Praise God for Who He is. Obvious, and all over the Bible. Think about God’s attributes: mercy, love, strength, righteousness. How can we not boast about our incredible God?

Psalm 7:17  I will praise the LORD according to His righteousness,  And will sing praise to the name of the LORD Most High.

2. Praise God for what He has done in your own life. He saved you, keeps you, and gives you everything you need each day.

Psalm 71:6  By You I have been upheld from birth;  You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.  My praise shall be continually of You.

3. Praise God for what He has done throughout history. Creating the heavens and the earth, sending His Son as a sufficient sacrifice for all the world, sustaining life and withholding His wrath.

Psalm 148:1-5 Praise the LORD!  

Praise the LORD from the heavens;  Praise Him in the heights! 

Praise Him, all His angels;  Praise Him, all His hosts!

Praise Him, sun and moon;  Praise Him, all you stars of light!

Praise Him, you heavens of heavens,  And you waters above the heavens!

Let them praise the name of the LORD,  For He commanded and they were created.

4. Praise God to other people. Whether in a blog post (cough), on FaceBook, through a text message, but most especially in real life, face-to-face conversations, tell your friends why you think God is so awesome.

Psalm 108:3  I will praise You, O LORD, among the peoples,  And I will sing praises to You among the nations.

5. Praise the Lord using songs and psalms. We have many hymns which express praise to God, and the psalms are also full of verses of praise. If you are struggling to come up with your own words of praise, use the words of these faithful men as a starting point.

• Psalm 145: A Praise of David
• O Worship the King
• How Great Thou Art
• I Sing the Mighty Power of God

Psalm 47:6  Sing praises to God, sing praises!  Sing praises to our King, sing praises!

6. Praise the Lord over and over for the same thing. Repetition is a powerful tool, if used with focus and purpose. 

Psalm 34:1    I will bless the LORD at all times;  His praise shall continually be in my mouth.

7. Praise the Bible, the Word of God. 

Psalm 56:10  In God (I will praise His word),  

In the LORD (I will praise His word),

11  In God I have put my trust; 

See, with a list like that it's not so hard to praise the Lord seven times in one day. Just a couple minutes to focus on God is all it takes. I found it to be a fun exercise, something different from my usual Bible time routine. 

Large Family Idiosyncrasies #5: Saved by the Bell

When there are twelve people living on ten acres, one does not want to always be shouting to get the attention of children who might be playing in the field, on the volleyball court, basketball court, all the way out in the woods, or picking apples or blackberries in the orchard. We did not get quite as creative as the Von Trapp family, but we have come up with a system to communicate without damaging our vocal chords.

An old Navy bell hangs on our back porch, and we ring it to send certain messages to any within earshot:

One ring. If we need a certain child, ring the bell once and then call out the name of whoever is needed. The bell gets everyone's attention so that they can hear the shouted name, rather than it being drowned out by other shouting that might (possibly) be going on at the time.

Two rings. There is fresh coffee in the house available to the first comers.

Three rings. Mom and Dad need to come back to the house. They often walk up and down the road in the afternoon, and often a conflict comes up back at the house that requires their attention before their walk is finished.

Four rings. Ask not for whom the bell tolls, it tolls for thee. We also call this "All hands on deck". Everyone is to come back to the house as quickly as they can. Usually used for lunch/dinner calls, as well as picking up the house, and time for church/getting ready for church.

Frenetic ringing of any number over four: major emergency, imminent danger, or (if Mom and Dad are absent) catastrophic personality clash.

There are two drawbacks to this generally excellent system: if friends and relations are standing nearby we try to warn them before ringing, as it is quite startling if heard unexpectedly at close quarters, and sometimes when visitors come to the house for the first time they are confused, and try to use it as a doorbell.
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Large Family Idiosyncrasies #4: Colour Codes

How many toothbrushes are in your bathroom?

Most people have two or three, and they're easy enough to keep track of. In a big family, however, you are most likely looking at five or more toothbrushes, all from the same seller, and alarmingly similar. Add a couple (or ten) germaphobic kids, who are terrified at the thought of accidentally using someone else's brush, and the problem is magnified.

Another example: if you ever come to our house, you would probably see twelve cups on the counter. This may seem like a lot, but we are actually rigorous to keep it down to this number, since we can easily accumulate 16 used mugs and 36 glasses in one day. Here's how it happens:

A child, being thirsty, goes into the kitchen, fills a glass with water, drinks it, sets it down on the counter, and walks off. Soon another child comes in. He sees twelve glasses in a group, which were used at lunch. If he chooses a glass from the lunch group, he has a one in twelve chance of it being his glass, and thus not having anyone else's germs on it. However, another child has been in the kitchen before him, and chose a glass at random, so there is a one in twelve chance that his glass has been contaminated.

Okay, this is not a math problem, so I won't ask you to calculate the odds of randomly picking out your own glass from a group of twelve and it remaining uncontaminated, but it's a poor probability to start with, and gets even smaller as the afternoon progresses. So what does the child do? He takes a clean glass from the cupboard, drinks from it, and adds it to the group on the counter, thus giving future children even worse odds of picking their own cup. Obviously, in the toothbrush scenario, even this option is not available, since you can't use a new toothbrush every night.

Our family has come up with a clever solution to this conundrum: the Colour Code.

Every child is assigned a colour at birth (or at least as soon as they start drinking out of a cup), and we have rubber bands in that colour to put around our glasses: green, white, purple, yellow, red, blue, pink, orange, light blue, and light green. Girly colours are assigned to the girls, and boyish colours to the boys. Originally, the cups themselves were coloured, but as the family grew this became hard to keep up with. Now, we also have a row of labels on the counter to place our glasses on, to be further organized. One advantage of colours over words is that children learn to recognize colours before they learn to read.

The same concept works for toothbrushes, socks, and any other easily mixed up possessions. As the kids get older, they learn to keep better track of their stuff and it is not as necessary.

Large Family Idiosyncrasies #3: The Buddy System

You remember my definition of a large family? Part of it involves parents having more children than they can hold onto at the same time. This is when the Buddy System needs to be implemented.

Some things about large families are rather humourous, but the Buddy System is not particularly so. It is, however, one of the most wonderful things about being part of a big family, from a sibling's point of view, and it looks like this:

Pretending I know what I'm doing, so I can help her.

Sitting still, because he fell asleep on me.

Feeding him--sometimes things he wants to eat, but often requiring more persuasion.

Getting stuck at a table with him.

Making gingerbread houses with her.

The buddy system links an older kid with a younger kid, and they become a special unit within the larger family team, as the older child keeps track of the younger one and takes care of them. 

Basically, we older kids are Jedi Masters, the younger ones were our Padawans, and as more children were born, they graduated to become Jedi Knights, so that we could take on new apprentices. 

If you know nothing about the Star Wars universe, that illustration is likely not helpful, but it is a very good explanation of how the buddy system works. 

Rebekah was technically my first buddy, but she was really too old to need much help (I will refrain from comparing her situation with that of Anakin Skywalker—this post already has too many Star Wars references), and as soon as Tabitha was born, I switched to taking care of her. Several years later, Sam became my last buddy. Andrew had Maxwell, and Margaret took care of David Clayton and then Marta. William, poor fellow, had two half-buddies—Andrew and Rebekah both. 

The Buddy Oath 

(which I just now made up, reflecting some of the experiences I've had over the years)

If you are my buddy...

1. I will hold your hand, despite your best efforts to extricate it.

2. I will sit next to you at the table, holding a fork in front of your mouth as long as is necessary.

3. I will wake up in the middle of the night and crawl under your bed to retrieve your blanket.

4. I will always check your seatbelt.

If I am your buddy... (the younger buddy's half)

5. I will learn your name before anyone else's.

6. I will pick your lap to sit on.

7. I will wake you up in the middle of the night when I lose my blanket.
8. I will grow up and want to do things on my own.

Even when the younger half of a buddy team has grown up, there is still a special bond between buddies, more than an ordinary sibling relationship. Beka, TJ, Sam-a-Rammers—Love you guys!